I’ve never seen a single episode of Jersey Shore. And yet, I know way more about Snooki than I’d like to. Starting with her real name (Nicole Polizzi). And that she’s a New York Times best-selling author despite sounding like she slept through Mrs. Ingleburt’s 5th grade English class and didn’t wake up until MTV had a casting session. Still, I know folks out there just love them some Snooki. I aim to give the people what they want and judge y’all later. That’s a friend.

In any event, a very candid Snooki recently discussed the loss of her virginity. Speaking with YourTango, Snooki said, “I was 14. I mean, in upstate New York there’s really nothing to do up there but experiment.” Wait. Did she just say non-NYC NY is so boring all you have to keep you entertained is smashing?

Snooki went on to add, “He was a senior, and I thought he liked me but turned out he was just a jerk. So, it was terrible.”

For those of you wondering about her wedding, that’s happening sometime in 2014. I imagine the holdup is word on whether or not some network will pay her to get married on television.

Goodness, I’ve lived my life so wrong.